I have been trying to get through The Stranger by Albert Camus. I was going to try to read it in French, but let's be honest. I don't have time for that.
Anyway, I'm halfway through the book and completely loving it. I'm pretty sure the way this guy lives is supposed to be a nonexample of how to live life, but I wish I could live like that. And the way he's been feeling? That's sort of how I've been feeling lately.
I wish I could just not care about anything and be calm and relaxed all the time, not worrying and feeling like nothing matters. I do feel like nothing matters, but for some reason I just care too much about everything and stress out about every little thing. I wish I could just not care like him.
I don't think I'm SUPPOSED to want to be like him, but I do. Not that I want to kill anyone or anything, I just want to be able to go with the flow and take life as it is. He's just so detached, which I wish I could be.
I kind of feel like I'm the opposite of Camus' main character. Ever since we talked about existentialism in Mr. Ingram's class, it has stressed me the fudge OUT. Like, why does anything we ever do matter if everyone is just going to die eventually anyway? Does life have meaning? Does MY life have meaning? Camus' character answers, "no." I've been worrying about it and stressing out about it all year, trying to figure out the meaning of my life, but this book is helping me to accept the fact that maybe there IS no point. Maybe I should just stop stressing out about it and realize that there is no meaning and I don't need to worry about it so much. Then I can become as detached from life as Camus' character is, and I can live my life without so much stress.
I don't know. This whole post is rather melodramatic. Don't mind me; I'm just in a weird mood today. I'll let you know if it continues. Not that you care much anyway. I don't even know who I'm talking to. The internet in general? Maybe I should stop. Sorry.
I'm out.
