During class today, I realized that most of the books I've read for pleasure recently have been about leaving. When I say "pleasure," I mean that they weren't assigned; in no way do I find pleasure in the thought or process of leaving or being left behind.
It struck me as sort of odd though, the coincidence of reading these books (which I hadn't planned at all) and the things going on in my life that relate to leaving and having people leave me. Maybe I subconsciously was trying to prepare myself for what I knew was coming up- and also what I didn't. In any case, reading these books and stories has made me think a lot about leaving and being left behind- leaving for college, friends going far away, growing up and leaving my childhood behind. You know, happy fun-time stuff.
The first of these books is J.M. Barrie's Peter Pan. I read it over the summer on my plane flight back from Las Vegas, and although I already knew the story from the Disney movie, I cried at the end, which was rather awkward when sitting next to a complete stranger. The book is much more moving than the movie, which makes sense when basically every Disney movie has a happily-ever-after ending.
The main question I was left with when I finished the book was this: why did Wendy leave Neverland? I never questioned this when I was little; while watching any of the movie adaptations, it had never seemed to be such a big deal. The movie was basically happy all the way through, and although I haven't seen the animated film in quite a while, I'm sure it ended on a happy note. I know in the book, Peter came back and visited Wendy's daughter and would visit her daughter's daughter etc. until the end of time, but it still bothered me that Wendy ever decided to leave in the first place.
Neverland is perfect; one never has to grow up, never has to be responsible, never has to worry or stress about much of anything. There are no grown-up problems to deal with. One doesn't have to get a job or worry about money or providing for a family. Plus, Peter is there, Peter whom Wendy loves and who loves Wendy.
In writing this, I have come up with a few more questions: does Peter really love Wendy? Is that why she must leave, because he cannot love since he refuses to grow up? But then, I don't think love is really something only grown-ups can do. Maybe in the romantic sense it's true, and maybe that's why the book is so depressing to me. She loves him, and he has hints and glimpses of love for her, but he refuses to grow up in order to fully love her back. So she must leave.
I don't know. Perhaps I'm just making things up? In any case, I'd choose Neverland over the real world any day. I'm terrified of growing up, but there's nothing I can do to prevent it, no Neverland I can escape to in order to remain young and happy and carefree for the rest of my life.
Maybe someday I'll truly understand why Wendy had to leave and why people have to grow up.
Maybe the reason why people have to grow up...it's only something you can understand once you grow up.
(I certainly hope that's true. I've had a lot of questions lately that no one has the answers to, and it's been starting to really terrify me. But that's a story for another blog post.)
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